Parenting Advice #3

There often are times when parental units need a break and require a babysitter. This is very well understood, and you will find that many childless adults are more than willing to oversee your bundles of joy. In order to make this process a smooth and enjoyable experience for both your children and the one chosen to oversee them, please make sure to do the following:

1. Please make sure your DVD player is ready with a DVD you approve your child watching. The babysitter should only have to push a button which should be easy to find to start the DVD. As a parent, you may be used to your child screaming, "I want to see the movie, please start the movie..." as you are fumbling around trying to figure out which remote goes to the DVD player and which button you have to push to make the thing work etc. However, the childless adult may panic at this time and have even more difficulty trying to figure out the !@#$ complicated electronics in order to placate your child. This may result in a psychological breakdown of the babysitter.

2. If your child is going to require a nutritious meal in your absence, please make sure to have a detailed list of what food you want served, a thorough explanation of how your children like it prepared and exactly what time to feed them. Please understand the importance of which way you cut a sandwich or how you cook an egg may not bother you, but your delightful offspring may suddenly turn into a psychotic being who is unable to explain why they cannot possibly eat potatoes that have touched a green bean.

3. Please expect your child to be thoroughly spoiled by the time you return.

Parenting advice #2

For those of you who decide to take your little angels on an airplane, please make sure to get a prescription for a sedative to give your child before the trip. Those of us without children love to look at young people and admire their cute ways. This is much more enjoyable if the small creature is not screaming bloody murder because their ears are popping, or because they just want to get out of their seat to play. We (childless adults) love to see children smiling or sleeping happily on the plane. As for the children's health, I cannot imagine it is better for a child to be confused about why their tiny ears are suddenly in pain and looking at their parental unit wondering why they aren't doing something to fix it. It can't be bad for the parental unit either. Their self esteem is sure to be heightened by the comments of childless people who look into the hazy eyes of your pride and joy and say, "Your children are so well mannered! How do you do it?"

Well Yes... I guess it is true that I am an amazing Auntie. This is only made possible by the many amazing kids who call me Auntie Lynda. When you love to do something, it is easy to do. I love spoiling and playing with my nieces and nephews sometimes this is much to the dismay of the parental units of said children. The best part about being an auntie who doesn't have children is that you get to give the kids back after not saying no to them for hours at a time.

Having no children of my own, I do feel that I am the expert on how to raise children. I have many great ideas on how to deal with particular situations. Here is one of them...

If you need to go shopping and are in charge of a toddler, please find a babysitter. If this is not possible, please placate said toddler with gum, candy or whatever that toy on the shelf is they are crying for. This way, if I happen to be shopping near you, I won't be annoyed by all that screaming and sniffling.

My First Post

Now that I have joined this blog thing, what do I do with it?